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8 Hot Topics to Bring Up Before
The Big Day
From kids, money and religion — discuss these
issues before you say ‘I do’
You and your fiancé are probably so busy discussing the pros and cons of
computerized calligraphy that a heart-to-heart about married life may not be on
your to-do list. But if you want a long and happy marriage, bring up these eight
tricky topics before the wedding day.
1. Baby talk
You may both want kids, but discussing how many, when to have them, and how
you’ll handle child-rearing is equally important, says Erik Fisher, a
psychologist and author of “The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict”. Talk about
the goals (like getting a law degree) each of you hopes to achieve before
starting a family, to avoid resentment down the road.
2. Not tonight, dear
Talking about sex may be less fun than having it, but now’s the best time to
confront issues 
such
as your expectations about frequency and how you’ll communicate that you’re not
in the mood. “Sometimes married people expect each other to be psychic,” says
Fisher, “but you have to be clear with your signals so no one feels embarrassed
or rejected.”
3. The parent trap
Discuss your relationship with each other’s parents before they become in-laws,
says Rita DeMaria, therapist and author of “The 7 Stages of Marriage.” Bring up
how often you’ll visit and make sure you’re on the same page about touchy
matters like inheritances.
4. I don’t do toilets
Even if you’re already living together, it’s worth chatting about chores — how
you’ll fairly divide up the cooking, cleaning and l
aundry.
5. Show me the money
In addition to discussing joint checking accounts, a
household budget and saving 
for
a shared goal (like a home), DeMaria says it’s critical for couples to discuss
spending habits and disclose to each other any debt or credit-card problems.
“Those kinds of surprises can be devastating once you’re married,” she says.
6. Are you there, God?
Some couples, especially those marrying in a house of worship, may address the
issue of religion in premarital counseling. If you haven’t had that opportunity,
it’s still important to talk about faith. What role will spirituality play in
your lives? Will your children be raised in a certain religion?
7. Turkey time
Before the festivities begin, decide things like which family “gets”
Thanksgiving and Christmas, how much to spend on gifts, and whether or not the
entire
family is invited for birthdays.
8. Fight right
Set some ground rules for disagreements (e.g., no name-calling) and decide if
you’re “never go to bed mad” types or a couple who deals with things better in
the morning.
Call Robert at
Incendia Diamonds for further advice on engagement rings and wedding bands or to
set an appointment for a jewelry fitting - 858.692.3939
